On the subject of faith, love, lust and violence...

Confessions of a Virgin Mistress

This blog is...

mARTurbation: art meant to please myself, as well as essays, articles, rants, raves and opinions on pop culture, sexuality, women, power, education, religion, music, films and products. No subject is taboo, no discussion forbidden.

Reading Guide:

Thoughts, Essays, Opinions and Articles have unique names and are stand-alone, even when related to previous entries. The dream chapters however, where I talk about my dreams, are titled “At The Dreams: “Insert Dream Title Here”, this is to differentiate conscious opinions and thoughts, from the subconscious movements that go on when I’m asleep (or somewhere in between). The reason I post my dreams is probably the same reason I post all other entries, to examine myself. I’m my own lab experiment. 

Fears and Human Touch

Wednesday, December 26, 2007 by Mistress Cavallaro

I... I still can't hug people. The idea of being touched, or held... it... it terrifies me. I feel prickles of disgust in my skin... I jump.

It's terrible.

I've never been raped... my parents love me... I've never been abused physically.

I don't know why I'm like that.

I'm so afraid of people touching me. I reject it instantly.

I guess I can't blame people for not getting close to me. I have a barrier up that says clearly "don't touch me".

But what I mean is "please don't touch me... not yet. I'm still afraid."

But, afraid of what?

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