The lands of Argheiz and Metrolya. The Pahr and the Ryderell. The ardent affections of Lehr Myra Naram. Hidden prince of Lahdia. Who is apparently based on Chuck.
The combat zone of the ship, where you must hide in the walls as the shoulders enter the area and use mage power and fire power. The tactics to get to the cockpit of the ship in order to stop it from being overrun and possibly slammed into Perhidia, the grand Buque with the coat of arms and the secret weapons the enemy wants destroyed.
The sunken ships, which rise from the water and slam into the moving vehicles and islands. Then hop back into the water and travel there. Under the water they are faster, and silent, unseen, covered by years of dark matter.
The dark matter, which is the only stone capable of restoring those near death. The anima, Lehr Myra’s panthergeist. Slit from across his jaw to his navel. And as we try to save it, we realize Lehr Myra himself must be in great agony over on the battlefield. At first we think someone entered Melisa’s room and attacked the beast. It’s bloody on the foot of her bed and her hand, resting near it underneath the covers is drenched in blood.
Lehr Myra purchases Earth, so that the planet may be spared from the warlords. It’s now in his own dominion and he’s still one of the few Lehr’s that by royal and civil decree holds veto power over the fate of planets in the alliance of Spheres.
The Floating Spheres Alliance. A conceited and arrogant man, he nonetheless falls for an earthian woman. The woman is already smitten by a dead ship captain, but Lehr Myra will fetch her heart once he’s done saving the galaxy.
What?
Above a deep influence by Final Fantasy and Gossip Girl. What does all this mean? Ok, I’m starting to sound like a friend of mine who keeps asking about every little meaning of symbolism as if it all needs to make sense.
Yeah. I’m just being dramatic.
At The Dreams: "The Floating Spheres Alliance"
The Betrayal Syndrome - Prologue
If they narrow it down to men I've fooled around with, then I'm in big trouble. I'd probably stay silent, I'd probably say there's none. Even though there are, and there have been... many in fact. But for one reason or another, they are un-mentionable, un-knowable and being unable to even so much as hint with their initials, I am forced to shrug and swallow it.
As the spawn of the infidels... my life remains unknown... as the men I play with are never snatched, I remain undiscovered. My betrayals have made me feel guilty, ruthless and proud. They've made me violent, confused and excited.
They've made me wonder if perhaps I suffer from Betrayal Syndrome.
To be continued...
Cruel Honesty: The Addict VS. The Victim
I hate to be the note of discord... no wait I don't. But I have a completely different question about your article, and hopefully something you'll explore further. Purely for fun.
You see I'm a firm believer in the mirror theory, where things may seem backwards on your end, but on the other person's end they're seing you in the exact same judging light.
In other words, to an addict, wouldn't any person's need to establish themselves as a priority over the addiction (in other words, focus on me not your damn gambling) be considered co-dependant behaviour that needs fixing as well?
The addict has a view that you, the person trying to change them, are just as wrong as you claim they are for being and acting a certain way. (In this case asking to be placed above that which they've expressed to love the most).
I'm in no way stating that being an addict is correct, or that having compulsive behaviour isn't detrimental to a relationship. But as you said so yourself, addicts can be with addicts because they understand and share the bond of the addiction itself.
In a milder sense... you could have an addiction to great movies and an addiction to certain types of music or an addiction to the internet and compulsively log on and check blogs and spend 14 hours a day surfing.
If you are in a relationship with someone and they leave you for lack of your attention or because they feel you addiction to whatever it is that you do is far more important than they are, isn't that also a sign of low self-esteem?
Need me, want me, put me first, put me on top, I'm more important than anything, including your career <--- doesn't that also qualify as another side of the spectrum?
I'm well aware that abusing any addiction brings misfortune, but a question I rarely find analyzed is how the addict or compulsive person views the accuser of bad behaviour.
Let me pretend I'm the sex doll addict. If you're just not as pleasing as the doll, if all you do is yell at me, if no matter how sweet you look in the end you're going to ask me uncomfortable questions about what it is I truly feel about you, or if it turns out the doll just has a tighter, better, more satisfying place for me to relieve myself and yours is, let's face it, not as good, though I still prefer you for company and the occassional making out... is the fact that I have sex with a doll constantly something you'd consider compulsive behaviour? Or do you just find it insulting that I dare even suggest that you don't compare?
Same goes for alcohol, same goes for cigarrettes, same goes for anything. An addiction is better than you, the addict understands that, to the addict, it's not an addiction, it's a priority, what they like and consider most important and you just have to deal with being second-best.
Doesn't this scenario also display the weakness and co-dependancy we've come to develop through the years and masquerade as a "relationship"?
If you love somebody you make sacrifices, but being in love with somebody means being willing to do these sacrifices for someone who is not the ideal partner.
Because the ideal partner compliments you, be you an addict, thief or killer. It's the ultimate expression of selfishness, of taking care of one's needs first. While the other views are based on being selfless and considerate.
I'm still unsure which of these attitudes is actually "healthy". I'm not fond of addicts, but I'm not too fond of martyrdom either. And sacrificing your addiction, when you're an addict, believe me, it's martyrdom. Unless the addict finds you more interesting than his/her addiction, you're just begging for the addict to do exactly what you will later yell at him/her for doing: make you feel worse about yourself (which is even more bad when you already have a low self-esteem).
Maybe in the end, the only reason an addict can't have a succesful relationship is even because they're an addict, but because they spend a large amount of time assuring their partners that they're number one, when they're not. Maybe all you need to date an addict, is one that has the balls to tell you, that you're number 2. And then in that case, if you're ok with that, would it work? would it not work? The addiction isn't lethal, it's not some life or death circumstance or something that will embarrass the hell out of your parents.
What then?
Personally I wouldn't date an addict, because I'm egocentric and it has to be all about me. I love attention and I need it. I'm too self-important to not be number 1 in anyone's life. So I can't date an addict. But I have friends who are quite fine with being number 2 and get their fulfillment elsewhere yet love their addicts deeply, not in spite of their addictions but for their honesty straight out about the addiction, not as a problem but as a compulsive behaviour based on deep satisfaction that they've come to expect which you'll never provide. It's cruel, but it's honest.
Moon For Sale
Click on the image above to be re-directed to the original gallery post.The FUCK out: Guilt, Failure and Letting Go
I’ve lost my way a lot of times. No, wait, let me rephrase that: I’ve almost started out on the wrong path various times, but I never get to finish it or actually do the wrong thing. I only need to take the first step in that direction, and I’m already feeling guilty. The worse thing they could’ve ever instilled in the human mind is guilt. At the same time, guilt is supposed to be what keeps us in control. If people never felt guilty, they would never do wrong, and if everything was right, then we’d all be merciless.
But ok, cool, sounds ok when we’re talking guilt about lying, cheating, fornicating with your best friend’s husband, killing… but I feel guilty only about the thought of getting out of a project midway because the people who work in it just don’t cut it. I feel guilty because it’s almost as if I’m solely responsible for this project happening. I have a huge headache because no matter how many ways I try to get out, I seem to stick it out even when all it does is hurt my family, hurt my pride, hurt my friends and my career. It’s a road that takes me to people I don’t care to be associated with and projects I no longer wish to pursue. It’s my childhood dreams, which, bless their soul, should’ve stayed in childhood. In the meantime, thirty to forty people are honestly busting their asses for me. They’re doing it all for my own life, for my dreams, for my career. And instead of dedicating myself to that one thing I should be doing, I’m spending hours upon hours worrying about a project that I should’ve never raised from the dead.
I know this makes no sense right now without a prior explanation of what I’m involved in and why, but believe me, it’s something I should’ve put to rest a long time ago. I just don’t have the courage to disappear and I don’t have the selfishness required to simply take care of myself and let others take care of themselves. I’m like a mother hen, wanting to place everyone under my wing, but my body has had enough and I’m dying because of it, and I’m fucking up my career and my life and my real projects and my own trust and self-esteem, trying to get this other project off the ground. Why does the mere thought of cutting loose from it make me guilty?
Again, there is nothing there for me. But it feels like I made a commitment to the people I started working on this project with, and like I should stick by it. But it’s killing me it’s really killing me and the worse thing is that it’s doomed to fail. What am I doing? Why can’t I just cut off from it? Why do I keep heading back to it? I feel tied down emotionally and physically, to the point of pain. It literally hurts my heart to write this because I’m so attached and co-dependant with this ridiculously abusive project. Am I a masochist? Self-righteous? Proud? Unable to accept my failure? Can my leaving that project mid-way even be considered failure?
I just want to get the FUCK out. I hate it. I don’t want it. Why can’t I leave it. I want to never be attached to anything again. It’s insane, it’s abusive and it should never be. I hate it that I’ll look bad if I leave. That people will hate me and dislike me, I hate it. And it’s unfair. Because the one who does the job is me. Nobody else helps, and even though I carry the responsibilities and nobody else is willing to shoulder it with me, all that happens is that when things can’t be done I get blamed as if I had to handle it all in the first place. People expect everything from me and I expect too much from myself and the only ones that deserve my delivering these expectations are actually the only team of people that I don’t even dedicate half as much time to.
This downward spiral of who-knows-what has led me down a sickening spiral of self-loathing. I’ve hated myself so much for failing, for not being able to bear it out, for wanting to quit because it’s drowning me, for leaving others who I don’t even care about behind. Letting go of crap I dislike… is hard. I can’t even begin to imagine how I’d be able to let go of things I love.
Well... this very morning I've begun the process, I've started deleting things, cleaning up things, no matter how many reminders I get that these things do exist, I may not need to ignore them, but at least they're slowly starting to dissipate. I hope I can keep this up.
I better. This is my lucky year. It's now or never.
